One

“How long? How long must we sing this song? How long?Because tonight, we can be as one. Tonight.” U2 

This is what we should be asking. This is what we should be joining hands and singing.  Watch the video (here) of the U2 performance from the Rattle and Hum tour film. In my opinion, it is the single most powerful Rock and Roll performance crying out for an end to people killing people. The emotion expressed by Bono is palpable. As an Irishman, eleven of his fellow countrymen had been killed just that day.

Now, in America, we have weekly mass killings. Some in the name of revolution. Some in the name of Jihad. Some in the name of God. Some in the name of hate. The wide proliferation of guns makes this type of killing easy and more likely. The fear on every side is amped up by the knowledge that every encounter between a police officer and a civilian may end in bloodshed, because there is a good chance that the civilian is armed. The fear is with all of us because entering a movie theatre could be a deadly activity. Or going to a nightclub to dance may end in mass carnage. An unhappy motorist may randomly decide to shoot you right through your car window.

“How long, how long must we sing this song?”

How long will it take for white people to utter the phrase “Black Lives Matter?” To just acknowledge that we have not ever equally valued the lives of People of Color? How long will it take for us to show respect to a black President? How long will it take for us to admit our complicity in oppression whether it’s through silence, or denigrating People of Color, or just feeling that we are superior because we are white? How long before we stop fearing every black man we encounter?

“Because tonight, we can be as one.”  

This has been true since the beginning of time. We can be as one. It’s madness that only the prophets, the artists, and the poets seem to be able to see this. It should be so easy. We are all human. We all want the same thing. We all want to live a free life, to be treated fairly with loving-kindness. We all want our families to be safe and healthy. We all mourn when our loved ones die. We were all created with certain inalienable rights. We all agree that life is sacred and should not be destroyed. Why then, are we spilling each other’s blood? How long will this go on?

  “How long must we sing this song?”

Watch the video. If for no other reason than to see one of the greatest live rock performances ever. Watch it and hear the passion in Bono’s voice. Hear the passion in the playing of every instrument in the band. Watch it and listen to the lyrics that cry out for us all to acknowledge that we can be as one. Tonight. Watch and listen to the impassioned speech that Bono makes about the revolution in Ireland. About how sick he is about the Irish Americans that come up to him saying that they support the revolution, never acknowledging the killing brought on by it. Bono shouts “Fuck the revolution.” He has witnessed the ugliness of human beings being killed in the name of revolution.

As Americans, we need to be careful in the use of our language. Words are powerful. Words can incite violence. Words can incite murder. Words can drive a mentally unstable person to grab his legally obtained semi-automatic rifle and shoot up a theater, a school, or a nightclub.

How long before we dial down the rhetoric? How long before we admit that the wide proliferation of firearms in this country lends itself to more death, not less?

People come up to me and talk about their second amendment rights. The say that our founding fathers guaranteed our right to have guns. They don’t talk about the fact that there were no founding mothers weighing in on that decision. They don’t talk about the fact that people of color were still legally treated as chattel when that document was written. They don’t talk about the fact that the idea of citizens owning weaponry capable of killing dozens in a minute would have been a completely alien concept to those founding fathers. They don’t talk about the children whose lives should have continued past elementary school in Sandy Hook. They don’t talk about the now dead potential of the students at Virginia Tech. They don’t talk about the police officers who lost their lives because an angry person had an assault rifle.

"I can't believe the news today. I can't close my eyes and make it go away."

All they talk about is their right to bear arms. In the video of U2 playing “Sunday, Bloody Sunday”, Bono talks of a terrorist attack that had happened just that day. Eleven people killed in the name of revolution. “Fuck the revolution!” he cries out. And I have witnessed the weekly carnage in our American streets. And you have witnessed the carnage in our streets. We should all be crying out “Fuck the right to bear arms!”

“How long, how long must we sing this song? How long?Because tonight, we can be as one. Tonight” 

We can be as one. Let’s make it happen. Tonight.

Being in the Right Place at the Right Time

I almost stayed home last night. A historic music venue in the city I live in, is scheduled to cease operations at the end of this year. The band that both of my brothers are in was taking the stage at 9:00pm sharp. This was my last opportunity to see them play that stage together. I almost didn’t make it to stand beside my sister and play the supportive sibling role that has been our custom for many years. I came very close to letting a grudge get in the way of being where I belonged.

I started writing this blog several weeks ago. I have been posting an eclectic mix of musings, personal narratives, and poems. I have felt a need to prove to myself that I can do something outside of my job. That I can do it well and stick with it. While the blog has not consistently followed a theme or format, I wanted it to convey two things. The first being honesty. I feel that, as a whole, we do not express ourselves honestly to each other or even to ourselves. The second purpose was to honor people who have inspired me. In the past, I have only expressed this sort of sentiment after someone close to me dies. So, I want those who have made an impact on my life to know it now because none of us know when our time is up.

But sometimes we fall short of our intentions. I wrote a post that I felt was honest. But in my zeal to increase readership (a self-serving goal), I had neglected the more important purpose of this blog. I had not honored those who have inspired me. Instead, I thought of myself first and risked dishonoring the shared memories of my friends and family. And in fact, the particular post was not completely honest because it focused on negative aspects in our lives in a way that was out of balance with the overwhelming positive that had been our shared experience.

Before I had a chance to post it, one of my brothers read the draft. I think he said that it was great, but pointed out that I needed to be aware of the fact that when I am publicly sharing my experience that, by default, I am sharing the experience of friends and family members who may not want to be as public as me. But my ego heard him saying that I need to stop writing the blog. My ego heard him say that I was getting too much attention and he was jealous and I reacted as if that was what he really said. My reaction was about me and my self-doubt, not about the truth in his statement. And then I almost made it worse by holding a grudge.

But at 8:45pm last night, I let go of any resentment. My sister was already there at the side of the stage ready to cheer her brothers on. I had fifteen minutes to make the first song. I dropped what I was doing, raced around to clean myself up (not really a necessity at the this particular night club) and hopped in the car. I turned down the main road that heads to the joint only to see the flashing lights of the train gates mark the arrival of what is always the world's slowest locomotive. I quickly made a turn that goes a fair distance out of the way but is usually faster than waiting for the endless line of box cars to pass.

When I arrived there were no parking spaces remaining. I almost went home, but I was no longer under the influence of an injured ego so I knew that this moment was important. I remembered the metered spaces that were close by. Found one. I did a quick parallel park and then race walked to my destination. As I approached I could hear the steady beat of my oldest brother’s drumming. I could hear my other brother’s vocals. Singing. The same vocal chords that he had used to provide honest criticism, were now melodically ringing out through the walls of the dilapidated, but worthy building. He was singing in a voice that I know like it’s my own, but could never replicate. A voice that is familiar. A voice calling me to join him where I belong on a night like this: with my family.

Is G-d a Cardiologist?

“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26

The President chose this scripture for the memorial service in Dallas. The President noted that he had made these eulogies too many times during his tenure. I have watched too many. One was too many. But what have I done?  Raised my voice on social media in outrage? What else? Not much. Not enough.

He went on to say after referencing this passage from Ezekiel that America needs a new heart. An open heart. He is right.

But if G-d is a cardiologist I think he would recommend that America have open heart surgery. He needs to wield his heavenly scalpel and make an incision in our chest and part the flesh. He needs to saw through our sternum and open a wide cavity. He needs to use his almighty strength to pluck the stony waste of organ that we call heart from our bodies. And I pray that he casts our old heart so mightily that it exits our cosmos to never return. We need a new heart. A heart of flesh.

But G-d is not a cardiologist. He will not be performing this procedure. He is a spiritual healer. Not a physician. From all that I have seen, he is not an interventionist. He does not break out the defibrillator and shock the heart attack out of us. He lets the cardiac arrest take its course. And then he soothes the survivors in the aftermath. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

But America needs a new heart. Why does G-d not just make it happen?  In G-d all things are possible, so what is the hold-up?  There is hatred and evil and bigotry beating inside us. The nation is in a state of hypertension, a stroke is imminent and the Great Physician will not reach down from the Heavens and save us. What the hell is he waiting on? Where is he?

At this moment when it is plain that not just America, but the whole world is in need of a new heart, I have lost my patience. I’m fed up. Has the heavenly healer sold his practice to the devil? Has he packed up saying that he has had enough of our murders, our greed, our lack of compassion for one another?  Has he gone fishing? Hell, I would not blame him. I would have given up several centuries ago.

I want to believe that G-d is with us. I want to have faith that there is beauty behind all this pain. That there is some unknown purpose that all of this serves. That G-d is in control. That, as we were taught to sing, “He has the whole world in his hands.” I want to believe that my mortal perception is so flawed that I just cannot comprehend the magic that is happening behind the scenes.  That this world and the bad that happens here is just meaningless and that when we leave this earth all will be revealed and it will be good.

We need a new heart. But I just realized as I wrote this that I ignored the second part of the promise in this passage from Ezekiel, “and a new spirit I will put within you.” America needs a new heart. I need a new spirit. My spirit is damaged. The world seems designed to beat down our spirit, to squash our hope, and tear us apart from each other. How do we get G-d to grant this new spirit to us?

My inclination is to write a nice tidy ending to this post. To say that the new spirit already resides in us and all we have to do is look inside ourselves and find it.

But right now, the news from around the globe is too sad. The suffering is too great. And searching the depths of my soul seems like an overwhelming task at this moment. I will leave that for tomorrow.

Update: I just woke up. It is a new day.  Fortunately, I the end of the work day today, I start a two week vacation. I plan to get some projects done, turn off the news and relax, and spend time enjoying my family. I'm so thankful that I am afforded that kind of freedom, opportunity, and privilege. I wish that everyone had the same. I also plan to spend time reflecting on my thoughts that I put down in this post. I will turn off the noise and look inside myself to try and find the new spirit that must be there. I will think about what actions I can take to create change in this insane world. And I hope that I will return from vacation with a new heart.