The Garbage Truck and The Tidy Wagon

Collecting garbage. Photo by Tom Franklin

I have never been unemployed since I started my first job at age thirteen.  The pandemic, a couple of underlying conditions, and a “Stay at Home” order changed that. On Friday I filed for unemployment.  Since I am self-employed as an independent contractor, I would not have qualified to receive unemployment under the old rules, but fortunately Congress added a provision that covers contractors and gig workers.  Filing for unemployment got me thinking about my past jobs. I am thankful for each one of them. Even the ones that weren’t the greatest because I learned something new with each one.

Way back in 1976, my family moved from Charlotte to Lake Norman. We had been camping there for years on a leased campsite in Outrigger Harbor. Outrigger was a combination marina and tiki themed family campground. 

There was a tiki themed restaurant called, wait for it…

Lake House 1976. Photo by Tom Franklin

“The Tiki Terrace!” The owner, Mr. Buck Teague, had also acquired an old barge and built a full kitchen and tiki themed dining hall on it. It had spiral stairs that lead to an upper deck pilot house. The captain would take groups on dinner cruises on a very different Lake Norman than the one you may know now. In the evenings the little outboard motor that powered the barge named “The Outrigger” would be the only noise, besides the ducks and geese, heard from the surrounding shores. I loved the place and knew that as soon as I was old enough, I would apply to work as the attendant on the gas dock.

Me and Mom at Outrigger Campsite. Photo by Tom Franklin

I was eager to start saving money so that I could buy a car as soon as I turned sixteen. My father talked to Mr. Teague and he explained that at age thirteen, I was too young to work on the gas dock yet. That job was currently filled by a high school-er named Sam Wallen. However, Sam needed help with some of his other duties and also needed to start training his replacement since he would be off to college the following year. Dad took me to the Social Security building in Charlotte where I applied for a work permit. I was allowed to work up to twelve hours per week. I was excited, even though the law also allowed my employer to pay me less than minimum wage because I was under sixteen.  I started at $1.85 per hour.

Photo by Tom Franklin

I was paired up with Sam for the entire summer. Summers, and especially weekends, were very busy at Outrigger. I learned pretty quickly that my job was to be a jack of all trades. If it needed to be done, then Sam and I did it. Sam ran the gas dock on the weekends, but his other duties were done before and after opening the docks, as well as throughout the week.  The two main parts of my job were cleaning the campground bathhouses and collecting the garbage from the campsites. I had barely been there a week when Sam told me it was time for me to learn to drive the garbage truck!  I thought he was joking. Sam was a very smart guy, so I was certain he knew that I was not old enough to drive!  But Sam was a young Libertarian and he explained that regular rules of the road did not apply, because the entire place was on private property. America the beautiful! 

The garbage truck had a manual transmission. Sam said the best way to learn to use the clutch was starting from a dead stop while on an incline. He had parked on a moderately steep hill and left the hand-pulled parking brake on. Sam sat in the passenger seat beside me. He gave very clear instructions: Step lightly on the gas. Slowly let the clutch out until you feel the point of friction.

Wait! I had no idea what that meant. Sam said that I will know it when I feel it. He was right.

Back to the lesson: Hold the gas and the clutch at the point of friction. Notice how it feels. While continuing to hold at the point of friction, release the parking brake. If the truck starts to roll backwards, then give it a bit more gas while holding position on the clutch until you find the point of balance.

Hold on again!  What does that mean? Sam said I would know when the truck stopped rolling backwards but did not move forward either. I was starting to get nervous. What if I just kept rolling backwards right into the lake, or one of the sailboat owners’ Jaguar or Mercedes?  Sam said not to worry. He would pull the parking brake if needed. It took several tries in which either Sam had to pull the brake, or I stalled out the engine. But when I got it, I had it. It was like magic. I had the power to make this giant garbage truck balance under my command! The rest came easy. Sam was the best driving instructor I ever had.

I spent that summer driving the garbage truck, while Sam rode on the sideboard. He would hop off when I stopped at groups of trash cans. He’d run and collect from one side, while I grabbed the bags out of the cans along the other side. The trash cans were 55-gallon drums with holes punched in the bottom so that water would not collect in them. They had metal lids that were heavy enough to stay in place most of the time. We would throw the smelly bags of garbage into the open sliding doors on the back of the truck.  Then we grabbed new bags and put them in the barrel. We secured them with a special way of looping the excess bag into a knot that cinched tightly on the drum.

Outrigger Harbor had another truck that we used every day. It was an old mail truck. A Jeep TP40. It had a roll-up door on the back. The back was filled with cleaning supplies, toilet paper, and plungers. They called it “The Tidy Wagon.”  And that is what we did. We drove the old mail truck to each of the four bathhouses and tidied them up. We actually did more than tidy up. We scrubbed them. We cleaned all the toilets twice a day. We scrubbed the showers. We detailed the sinks.  Mr. Teague said he wanted the toilets so clean that he could eat soup out of them! If anything was stopped up, we plunged it. Sam taught me how to adjust the jets on the tank-less toilets if the flush was too weak or too strong. Another lesson in balance.

There was always plenty of work to do. Cutting grass, washing windows at the Tiki Terrace, using a sling to clear the weeds from the shoreline. It was a great job. I loved most everything about it. I continued to work on the weekends once school started. Sam left for college the next year, so gas attendant was added to my responsibilities. I continued working there until my second year in high school. My friend Brian joined me the next summer. I taught him to drive a manual transmission just like Sam had taught me. The summer after that my older brother, Randy worked with me. I also taught him how to drive a stick drive using “The Sam Wallen Method.”

Dad shot this during Outrigger's annual regatta.

By the time I was sixteen, I had saved $2,250. I spent every last dime on the worst car ever made by Audi, a special edition 1978 Fox with gold pinstriping and the words “Blue Fox” written in gold script on each side! But that is another blog post.

  

  

Photo Dad took at Outrigger Harbor.

Those were magical days filled with honest work.  I learned something about the value of labor and just how much work it takes to save a little money.  And now I am stuck at home. 

For the first time since getting that work permit, 
I have no choice but to sit things out a bit.

I’ll be back in the game soon enough.

Puff and Circumstance

Peter, Paul, and Mary

“With this coronavirus pandemic, we've "lost our innocence". We no longer think that raging, out of control diseases are impossible HERE. We've put away our "childish" things -- sporting events, concerts, plays, etc. This song is -- perhaps (smile) -- ABOUT loss of innocence, growing up, and being more serious about life. "Peter Paul & Mary released "Puff the Magic Dragon" exactly 57 years ago today -- on March 16, 1963. Come on, let's all sing it together. While maintaining social distance.”  Loyd Dillon

Each morning I look forward to Loyd Dillon’s “On this day in History” post.  His posts are consistently positive, truthful, and thoughtful. They are often humorous. They are frequently inspiring. Sometimes they are all of the above.  And then there are the ones that make you reflect on something important. Many times, his posts trigger that spot in my brain that makes me think of a funny event or touching moment.  The post that I copied and pasted at the top of this page is a great example of how just a few sentences can really make a difference in someone’s day.

When I read the first sentence about losing our innocence, I was touched by the poetic truth of it. Loss of innocence is a theme that cuts across every form of art and literature. It happens to us individually and collectively. It happens to us over and over no matter how long we have lived. In the next part he alludes to something that we cannot deny; that we have been in denial. We have been like children without a care in the world.  We have been pretending and playing with our own version of “string, sealing wax, and other fancy stuff.”  In the song, Jackie has to put those childish things away and he must distance himself from Puff, his dear and special, magical friend. And now we must practice “Social Distance.” That is our circumstance.  

But I see hope in this post as well. And it sparked a memory of a small moment that occurred when at age 50 I began taking guitar lessons from a well-known musician and performer. Jamie Hoover is a genuine rock and roll legend. I won’t list his entire resume here, but he has played music to audiences that fill an arena. He has played guitar on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. I’m not kidding. It’s on YouTube!

Jamie had been the producer of my brother Randy Franklin’s music for years. He suggested that I call Jamie for lessons. I knew a few chords, but had trouble playing smoothly through them. I especially had trouble shifting into the ever-difficult B-minor bar chord.  I told Jamie shifting from G to B-minor was one of my goals.

Jamie showed up at my first lesson with the chords to “Puff the Magic Dragon” all written out in measures. He explained that it required shifting from G to B-minor.  He did not bring the lyrics that first day. He did not know yet that I also wanted to sing while I played.  So, we started working on it. Jamie kept singing the first verse and the chorus over and over, because we could not remember the other lyrics. I worked on playing the song without singing all that week. I was beginning to get the hang of just in time for my second lesson.

This time Jamie proudly waved a song sheet he had created with the chords in measures down one page, and the corresponding lyrics down the adjacent page. He explained, this way we can play it together and sing the whole song as we go along. It even included an intro and an outro.

Yes! I was on my way. I was going to learn to play a song from start to finish! Jamie assured me that I was on my way to becoming a “Rock God!” He is a smart businessman. 

So, here we go. We play the intro. I stumble awkwardly around the chord changes at first, but Jamie reminds me to relax. “It’s just the two of us here” he said. Okay. I got this. We start playing again. We get past the intro. We get past the verse and chorus that we had just sung over and over again the last time. We go on the whole adventure with Jackie and his mighty friend. We are really cooking now. I am managing through and Jamie is playing and singing in such a way that it seems like he is actually in the song. He is Jackie Paper. He is feeling the song and so am I.

Then it happens.

We get to the loss of innocence part. That sad, sad verse.

The one where Jackie Paper came no more. And then I hear the crack in Jamie Hoover’s voice. I look up from my guitar at him and I can see that he has been moved by the lyrics that both of us had forgotten. 

His voice was definitely breaking up a bit. And in that moment, I was so caught up in the emotion of playing music with another human being, that I actually felt a tear form in the corner of my eye. It was kind of silly. We were two grown men after all. But music, no matter how simple, has that power to move our emotions. Loyd’s words, in a short post can transport us to new insights or, in this case, back in time to an odd, yet touching moment that I shared with a real live rock star sitting on the sofa in my living room.

The “Puff Story” has grown to mythological proportions. I went to see Jamie play at a club in front of 60 or more people. He saw me from the stage and says into the microphone, “No Scott, we are not going to play Puff the Magic Dragon.” He then proceeds to tell the story of two grown men getting choked up over a children’s song. His version is hilarious and in it we are sobbing out of control!  The crowd was smiling and laughing. I wasn’t embarrassed, because as I looked around the room, I could see that the people were nodding their heads as they laughed and smiled. They got it.

I look forward to being able to get back out to hear live music without having to worry about catching a pandemic virus.  I look forward to a time when we can let ourselves fall back into innocence once again. But we must always be mindful that we are the grown-ups here and we cannot be lulled so deeply into our childish ways that we fail to get on with the adult responsibilities of looking out for each other. When this is over, we should let loose and sing silly songs loudly until the sun goes down. But when we wake up in the morning, we will need to get on with doing the good work that makes the world a bit better. Good work like Loyd does with his “Day in History” posts. Good work like teaching someone else how to play music and play it with feeling.

“Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honahlee
Little Jackie paper loved that rascal puff
And brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honahlee
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honahlee

Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail
Jackie kept a lookout perched on puff's gigantic tail
Noble kings and princes would bow whene'er they came
Pirate ships would lower their flag when puff roared out his name oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honahlee
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honahlee

A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys
One grey night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more
And puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar

His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane
Without his life-long friend, puff could not be brave
So Puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honahlee
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honahlee”

The Workshop

A workshop similar to the one I managed.

In response to the article linked here.

The Sub-minimum wage exemptions, allowed to enable places like Goodwill Industries, to provide jobs to people with disabilities is a controversial issue. And it is not quite as black and white as it seems. Yes, the Goodwill executive salaries are obscene, as are most executive salaries at large companies. And this is true of so many non-profits. I would suggest that people research executive pay at non-profits before supporting them. One way to do that is by using Charity Navigator. If they do not list themselves with Charity Navigator, then there is probably a reason for that.

However, I worked for two years managing a sheltered workshop that found assembly and packing work for people with developmental disabilities. I will have to say that those workers were the happiest employees that I have ever managed. They loved having a job. They loved to have a place to socialize with others with disabilities and with their developmentally typical team leaders and job coaches. The Workshop also placed individuals in jobs outside of the workshop. A concept that was frequently used was called an enclave. Imagine a group of 7-8 individuals and a job coach working in a factory. They might be doing quality control inspections or packaging or assembly type jobs. The clients participating in this way were usually individuals that were capable of production efficiencies that were close to that of a typical person, but because of their disability required close supervision by trained staff. During my two years with this program I was able to place a group in an enclave setting and negotiated a pay rate of more than minimum wage, $10 per hour. After all, they could do the work and the team leader would supervise them at no cost to the company. We paid the job coach.

But back at the workshop, many of our clients had disabilities that would permanently preclude them from working, for pay, in any other type of setting. Maybe they were non-verbal. Maybe someone would have to help them use the toilet. Maybe they worked very hard to assemble something that a typical worker could do in 10 minutes over the course of an entire workday. The staff was trained to come up with creative ways to help the clients accomplish the tasks with as little direct intervention as possible, something that a typical factory is not incentivized to accommodate.

To employ these individuals and be able to provide the workshop services to customers at a competitive price, the sub-minimum wage certificate was essential. It would not have been essential if the government had actually paid adequately for the services we provided. The Workshop was supported by a program known as ADVP. Adult day Vocational Programs. The amount we received to provide a facility, team leaders, job coaches, and clinical support staff was a joke. If this had been adequately funded, then we would not have needed to pay sub-minimum wage.

But here is the thing that I think is not well understood. Sub-minimum wage was based on careful time studies that would measure the output of a typical individual doing the work. Then the prevailing wage for similar work would be used as a factor divided by the typical output. This would give us as fair of a per piece pay rate as possible. If they produced the same or more than a typical person could, they would actually make the prevailing wage or higher. This all had to be well documented and was subject to random audits by the local management entity (these are the folks that are supposed to be looking out for how your mental health tax dollars are being used), or LME.

For most of our clients (90%) the work was not about the pay. It was about feeling that they were contributing. It gave them such pride to tell people that they had a job. These workers literally ran back to work after break time. If we were slow and unable to find enough work, we provided daily services for them anyway. Whenever I walked the Workshop floor during these times, the clients would immediately ask, “Do you have work for us? We want work!” 

When I was doing this job, there were many forces moving to end programs like ours. Some were well intentioned disability rights groups. But these groups or their leaders never once came to visit our happy facility. They never saw the surging wave of happiness that coursed into the building each morning as the County Special Transportation Services brought them right to the employee entrance.  When I took over as Director at the Workshop, the county had cut the special transportation program from its budget. They were charging the Workshop $36,000 a year to provide transportation. There had not been enough funds to pay the county for at least the last three months. I began lobbying to get these funds immediately re-instated. I met with the County Transit Manager. I volunteered to sit on the Transportation Advisory Committee Board. I went before the commission and made a case for restoring the funding. Within a month, the county waved the unpaid invoices that we had been unable to pay and used discretionary funds to return to providing the service.  I ask you what typical workplace is going to spend the time and effort to advocate for appropriate transportation for these individuals. The answer is zero.

I personally feel that the state was looking for a way to end these services that had nothing to do with concerns about fair wages or limiting the clients potential. Disability rights advocates were insisting that workshops like ours were limiting the full potential of the clients we supported. And maybe we were. We could have placed many or most of them in jobs in the community if the state provided adequate funding for support ratios of 1 to1 or even 1 to 2. But that was not the solution being offered. The solution was to eliminate ADVP dollars completely from the budget. They also jumped on the well-intentioned movement to end sub-minimum wage exemptions as a way to shame organizations like ours into ending the Workshop programs all together.

The state changed the rules and pushed for organizations like ours to use Adult Day Support Dollars (these dollars were meant for enrichment programs provided to people with very severe disabilities that would pretty much preclude them from any type of work) to place the individuals in jobs in the community making use of “natural supports” to enable them to earn minimum wage and allow them to work to their full potential.  What are these “natural supports” in the community that the government insisted were available?  As far as I could tell, it meant that the individuals own family would have to make sure that they got to work. That the company employing them would provide the intensive support they needed just out of wanting to be good corporate citizens.  The problem was that for the most part there was only one employer in town willing to take on any of these individuals. Harris Teeter stepped up and that is a good thing. However, only a very small percentage of the clients could qualify to do the work. And even then, they were responsible for their own transportation.

I was burnt out after two years of fighting these forces that were intent on putting an end to the services we provided. My staff barely made more than minimum wage themselves. During those two years, I had 5 other programs across three counties added to my job responsibilities. I was not earning anywhere close to enough money to support my growing family. I quit as soon as I was able to find a new job as Operations Director at a medical device manufacturer.   This job offered real benefits and a salary that we could live on.

I loved working at the Workshop. I miss the enthusiasm, joy, and love that was demonstrated daily by the clients and the staff.  The Workshop was closed soon after I left. Immediately, the 40 or so people we supported had nowhere to go.  The organization attempted to use “natural supports” to find employment for the clients. This proved to be nearly impossible and the only work that could be found were volunteer jobs. They went from earning something that equaled their production abilities, to being not paid at all.

Fortunately, there was a similar program managing to survive in a neighboring county that was able to bring on many of the clients. If they are still in operation, their days are numbered.

Services for people with disabilities are very low on the totem pole of needs across the state.  Our legislature finds that it is more important to give tax breaks to the wealthiest among us. They believe that rich people will be a “thousand points of light “and magically fill the need for services in the disability community.  It’s been 10 years and no “natural supports” have spontaneously apparated into the community.

I will agree that sub-minimum wage certificates should be eliminated. But not until the State provides real funds that can provide quality services and real support to these beautiful individuals who just want a place to go and be a member of society with enough value to earn a paycheck.

The Circus Drummer and Me

Me and Pete Martin in his basement classroom.

 

My mother always spoke with enthusiasm.  One day I came home from Eastover Elementary and Mom excitedly said, “I have some wonderful news for you! I signed you up for drum lessons today!!”  She said the words drum lessons like someone might say “We are going to Disney World!!”

I was really happy about this news, but I was rarely at that Disney level of excitement like my mother always was. Because my older brother, Tommy, was already a student of the same teacher, my mother had a wealth of fun facts to share about Mr. Martin.  Pete Martin toured the world as a circus drummer for Ringling Brothers. He even took the spotlight as a featured performer playing the marimba with mallets taped to his feet! Mom used her best Central High, letter girl, pep rally voice so effectively while telling me all these details that I might as well have just been told that we were going to Disney World! I was starting to feel her enthusiasm, but I tried to resist giving into it completely. I did not want to be disappointed.

Me, carrying snare drum case to school bus stop.

Mom drove me to my first lesson and walked with me to the back of Mr. Martin’s two-story house. Mom explained that he taught his students in the basement of his home and that he would greet us at the basement door. On the drive over she had been exuberantly describing how terrific Mr. Martin’s basement was. She kept saying, “You are just going to love it!”  Mom said things like that all the time but was not exactly 100% accurate with her predictions.  She told me that I was going to LOVE first grade. That forecast was a flop as soon as my teacher laid me across her lap and spanked me in front of the whole class. On the first day!  My offense? Talking.  So, I wasn’t exactly confidant in Mom’s ability to know what I was going to love. However, this time she was spot on. 

Pete Martin, the 86-year-old retired circus drummer had the coolest basement I had ever seen! I was not disappointed.

When Mr. Martin opened the door for us on that first day, it was immediately clear why my mother loved him so much. He was sparkling with enthusiasm!  He was a member of my mother’s tribe. His broad smile said welcome, before he had spoken a word. When he did speak it was in a sing-song voice loaded with a heavy French accent.  I gazed around at all the crazy decorations, circus posters, and old-fashioned toys that filled his basement classroom as he and my mother were busy one-upping each other with warm greetings and compliments.

I was so mesmerized by all the gadgets and gizmos in the room that I hardly noticed when he said to my mother, “I will just show her around a little bit before we get started with the lesson.” It was the long hair that confused him. It was 1974, after all. This was not the first time an adult had made that mistake.  My mother tried to correct him, but he didn’t hear. He was already showing me his monkey on a unicycle toy that rode across a high wire in his basement.  My mother left us as I watched the monkey clap its cymbals and pedal its way across the basement.   I soon forgot that Pete Martin thought I was a girl as he showed me all his old circus posters and collectables.

He had a magnificent set of wooden marimbas. He demonstrated how he played with two mallets in his left hand and one in his right hand.  Then the magic started. This 86-year-old man began flailing away at a blinding speed with his mallets up and down the instrument. Notes of every color and shape filled the room until there was nothing left but me, the music, and Mr. Martin. Everything else faded away as he brought the marimba to a resounding crescendo! He asked, “Did you like that?” I managed to nod, and he smiled. “Let me show you my drum set that you will be playing. I think you are going to be a very good drummer!” he exclaimed with an enthusiasm that was very familiar to me.  “You are going to love it!” he said.

And I did love it. He was right about that, but sadly wrong about his prediction that I would be a very good drummer.  I had fun and I did learn some tricks on the drums that allow me, even now, to occasionally fake people into thinking I can actually play.  I learned to read music by following the handwritten music cards he had made for the lessons. The songs I remember are ones like “You’re a Grand Old Flag” and “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing.”  He referred to this one as a “very pop-a-lar tune” since it was featured in a television commercial for Coca Cola. 

When Mom would come to pick me up, it always seemed too soon.

Mr. Martin was a practical joker and liked to startle the Moms with his favorite contraption. It looked like a rabbit hutch, but inside was a small furry animal barely visible in a little shelter in the hutch.  My mother knew about the trick, but that did not stop Pete Martin from asking us to come over and take a close look. He would lure us in by saying that during his travels around the world he had bought a mongoose to keep as a pet. He showed us an article that described how a mongoose was able to kill a giant python with its extra sharp claws and strong jaws.  He would then encourage us to take a closer look while it was sleeping in its little house. And just when you leaned in, Mr. Martin would step on a lever that sent the cage flying open and the furry mongoose launching at the onlookers!  Of course, it was just a toy, but he was so effective at reeling you in that you could not help but get startled no matter how many times he had pulled the trick on you. My mother would whoop and play up her feigned alarm. And we would all have a good laugh.

And that is how Pete wanted people to leave his magic basement; with a lingering giggle escaping the smile on their faces.

Each time we were on our way out the door, he never failed to say, “She is a very good drummer!” He was wrong on both counts, but I did not care.

I loved Mr. Martin

School Concert, Silk Shirt!

Finding a New New Year's Resolution

I think that my New Year resolution will be to read more books.

Despite the fact that both of my parents were big readers, I was not.  Dad would read most anything. Mom often read books that, from my kid point of view, seemed like soap operas. They both loved a good story. They could recognize good literature from fluff but seemed to enjoy both. Dad liked reading books about interesting people like athletes, politicians, or journalists. Mom liked reading books about ordinary, yet interesting people who came from backgrounds different from her own.  She was always looking for the common values that most of us on this planet share. And they always had a good paperback close by. But despite the example they set, I have never been someone who always has a book by the bed, or by my favorite chair, ready to read whenever a moment presents itself. That’s the kind of readers they were.

Don’t get me wrong, though.  I love books. Reading is one of my favorite activities when in the right frame of mind. For me, the urge to read happens all at once. I go through reading phases.  I might find a book that my wife has brought home and I pick it up. If it catches my attention, I read it. If I love it, I’m most likely going to read everything that the author has written. One right after the other. Then I might not pick up another book for months, or years, or ever. 

Sometimes a friend will give me a book that blows my mind in some way. I’ll keep going back to that friend and asking for more recommendations. Or I hear about a book on the radio or from a blog. If it is a topic that captures my attention, then I may go on a reading tear on that subject. People around me probably get sick of hearing about whatever the latest subject is. And it could be anything from quantum theory to Lady Ga-Ga to ZEN AND THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTENANCE.  I read that Robert Pirsig book about motorcycles and life over and over again. I’m not sure that I ever really comprehended it, but it felt like an important puzzle that I needed to figure out.

Once, my mother suggested that I read Dostoevsky’s CRIME AND PUNISHMENT. It had been her favorite assigned reading in college.  I was mesmerized by that book.  Like ZEN, this is another one that I pick up and read every few years. The appeal of this book is that it makes me feel like I am in the mind of this madman and somehow through that I start to see things from his warped perspective and even begin to understand his actions. I actually feel compassion for this man who, step by brutal step, walks me through the violent murder that he committed. Literature is powerful.

And yet, I can’t call myself a reader. For me to claim to be a reader would be disrespectful of the real readers in this world, like my parents were. Or, like my wife and oldest daughter are. My parents read for entertainment and out of curiosity. But my wife and daughter consume books as if their lives depend upon it. To them, Reading is like eating or breathing. A trip to the library is never about finding a book to read. It is about finding many books to read. They both come back from the library loaded down with giant stacks of books. I’m amazed at the endless stream of books they eagerly anticipate the publication of. And when they get word that a book that is on hold at the library has arrived, it becomes urgent to race to our local branch and bring it (and three or four other books) home so that they can dive right into whatever world the author has created for them.

I’m jealous of their passion for reading. I lament that my parent’s good habits of always having something to read nearby did not rub off on me.  I want to be that kind of person. I try to be that person. And sometimes, I am that person, but only in fits and starts. 

I was most definitely that kind of passionate reader from the moment I cracked the first page and entered the world created by J.K. Rowling in HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S STONE.  I became that voracious reader that could not wait to read the next in the series. I would stay up all night devouring every word in those impossibly long stories of magic, love, and heroism of the highest sort.

But Rowling set a new bar that made it even harder for another book to captivate me. Sometimes I try to force it.  I will pick a book from our own personal library (I can count at least eight bookshelves scattered around our home, in my head). I begin to read, but about two pages in, I stop. The author does not grab me with his words quickly enough.  This is how I am. Something has to really excite my brain from the get-go if I am going to see it through.  Since my wife is a teacher and an author, I often pick up any book she brings home and give it a try. Occasionally, one will suck me in within a few sentences. THE SKY IS EVERYWHERE, by Jandy Nelson has that kind of magic. Young Adult books often appeal to me. The characters are at such an exciting point in their lives. But, Jandy Nelson’s book is something special.  One page in and I am seeing through the eyes of the young woman who has recently lost someone close to her. I am tasting the blandness of the food she forces herself to chew and swallow. I can hear the absence of laughter and joy that had once filled her home.

I understand that kind of loss.

My parents were good people. I have never heard anyone say a negative word about them. In fact, it is always the opposite. People gush about my Mom and Dad.  Maybe it’s because they never spoke negatively about others. Maybe it is the fact that they were always genuinely interested in whoever was in their company.  And maybe, just maybe, the fact that they knew how to kick back in the recliner and just simply enjoy a good book made them more open to new ideas, more interested in the stories of other people, and just plain happier. Maybe my New Year resolution should be to be more like Mom and Dad. 

Yeah.  I think I’ll give that a shot.

Guns Kill People

Enough. Too much. Where is the outrage? Are we accepting mass carnage as just part of the fabric of America? Why? In one day, we had two mass shootings. How many tomorrow, three, four, five mass shootings? How many in a day before we march on our Capital and demand sensible gun regulations?  Ordinary citizens owning weapons of war is just unacceptable. Don’t give me any “responsible gun owner” bullshit! How can it be responsible to even own an assault rifle? The statements from Lt. Col. Matt Cooper, of Dayton, say three important things about mass shootings. 

"As bad as this is, it could have been much, much worse, as I think everyone will become aware of here as more information unfolds,"

9 people dead. His statement makes me realize that at this point in our country, NINE dead seems mild to many people. We have normalized this. 

“Though many people were killed or injured, Carper said that the incident was over quickly, because officers were already patrolling in the vicinity when the gunshots started.”

 Over quickly. And yet NINE are DEAD. This is clear evidence that assault rifles have no place in our country. They can kill too many, too fast.

“Police believe the suspect acted alone and that there is no remaining threat to the community, but the investigation is ongoing, Carper said.”

 Acted alone. No remaining threat. Does this make you feel safe? It should not. He did not act alone. I can tell you that even though the suspect has not yet been identified. Who helped him?

First, he was radicalized to some warped belief system most likely via the internet.

Second, some leader emboldened him to take this action. WE don’t know who at this point, but in El Paso, it is the President of the United States that was the instigator of that violence.

Third, the supreme court of the united states has allowed our democracy to be sold to the highest bidder. Corporate and lobbying influence has led to an unwillingness by our government to act even in the face of the most horrible mass murders you could imagine.

Fourth, gun dealers and gun shows do not care how many people die. The more that die, the more money they make.  How do they sleep at night?

Fifth, and the most important accomplice is us. We have become numb to the violence. We only care if it is our loved ones who get murdered. 

We will make marijuana illegal for no reason at all, but we will not take one step to regulate weapons of mass destruction that are killing innocent people going about their daily lives. In the case of these shootings, it is GUNS killing people.  There is no other weapon that regular people own that could kill so many, so fast.  Guns kill. Guns Kill People