Mom told me the story so often that I am not sure what is
actual memory versus images etched into my mind by her vivid description of the
events. I struggled, just now, whether to use the word event, because there is
nothing extraordinary about the scene that I am about to describe. I’m sure
that this is a scene that plays out regularly in households with young
children. Except, there is one oddity to my story that I still don’t know how
to explain.
When I was a toddler, my father worked second shift as a
photojournalist for one of the two regional newspapers. Like most homes with kids,
ours was a busy place each morning. I was the youngest, so my siblings would
get themselves ready for school. Mom would be busy packing lunches, preparing
and serving breakfast, and generally making sure that everyone got off to a
good start for the day. I guess that Dad was sleeping as this all took place. He
worked until midnight and then would watch the rest of Johnny Carson before
turning in.
Once my two brothers and my sister were off to school, it
was just Mom and me. We would spend our morning running errands. The A & P
at Cotswold shopping center was a regular stop. Cotswold was partly an indoor
mall at that time. The A & P anchored the “East Mall” and the Harris Teeter
was at the far end of the “West Mall” After grocery shopping at the A & P,
we would walk through the West Mall past
Ernie’s Record Store, jewelry stores, the dry cleaners, and the beauty shop,
all the while enjoying the cold AC and the clean smell of the indoor fountains.
The West mall was connected to the East mall by a store
called Roses. Roses was sort of a mini-department store. We would usually
linger here while Mom looked at clothes and I was allowed to roam the toy
aisle. From there we would ramble through the East Mall and straight into the
Harris Teeter grocery store. We did not shop at Harris Teeter. We walked
straight through the only automatic doors I knew of at the time, into Harris
Drug Store. Mom would pick up Dad’s blood pressure medicine from the friendly
druggist, Dan Lemelin.
Then we would head home for lunch with Dad. Only I did not
call him Dad. My siblings called him Dad. My mother called him Tom or Tommy. I
had my own name for him and that is the oddity of my story.
After lunch, my father would get showered, dressed, and
ready for work just like any other dad. He would kiss my mother good-bye and
that was my cue that he was about to leave. I would not see him again until
lunch the next day. I wonder if at that young age I thought that he might not
return at all. At least, that is how I acted. What followed became a daily occurrence. I was
determined that he was not going to walk out the door. I’m sure that this
happens all the time. Toddlers do anything they can to stop their parents from leaving
for work.
First, I would scream his name, but not Tom, Tommy, or Dad.
Not Daddy or Da-da. Not Pop or Poppy. I would scream out the only name I had
called him since uttering my first words, “Ahh-beee!” I would begin to cry
loudly and shout “Ah-be, Ah-be” over and over. I would wrap myself around his
legs to try and prevent him from reaching our front door. He would attempt to shuffle,
and I would slide down his legs and seat myself on his shoes. I would keep
clinging and yelling “Ah-be” as I cried and fussed using every ounce of strength
I could muster. I had to prevent him from walking out the door. Ah-be would
speak in a calm voice. He would tell me that he would love to spend the day
with me if he could. He had to go to work. He had to go take pictures. The newspaper
would not like it if he did not show up. I can picture my mother standing back,
allowing this to go on just long enough for my father to see how much I loved
him. She would have a content smile on her face as she carefully unwrapped me
from Ah-be’s legs. He would tell me he loved me and that he would see me soon.
He said I’ll bring a present home for you. And he would. Along with cameras,
lenses, and film in the trunk of his VW Bug, he also kept a steady supply of
small toys, gifts, and Chet Snow Realty lollipops. Every day I would get
something from this stash.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped calling him Ah-be. He
became Dad, just as he was to my siblings. My mother loved telling me about my
special name for my father. She’d say, “We have no idea where you came up with
that.” All I know, is that is who he was to me. He was Dad to my brothers and
my sister, but he was Ah-be to me only. When Mom would re-tell this story, I
could see how happy it made Dad to picture it all unfolding in his head and to be
reminded of how I loved him in a special way that required that I call him by
an entirely unique name.
From my adult perspective, Ah-be meant something more than
father. It was a kind of sacred term of endearment. A type of endearment that means you never want to let go of this person. Ah-be is a loved one that you long for his company so
deeply that you will do anything to stop him from walking out the door.
One year ago, my father walked out the ultimate door. He
will not walk back through it with a gift in his hand for me.
I was on the phone with him just moments before he pushed
the emergency button at Plantation Estates. By joking about not knowing how much
longer he would be on this earth, he had gently prepared me for the shocking
news that would follow. Dad was gone.
Ah-be had gone to be
with Mom. He missed her so much. As much as I would have wanted to throw my
arms around his legs and plead with him not to leave, I would not have. He was
ready to move on, hold my mother, and wait for us to join him.
It’s like we are on the A & P end of Cotswold Mall. Mom
and Dad are on the Harris Drug side of Roses. My friend, Dan Lemelin, the
friendly druggist, is with them.
I wrote before about
how Dad left us a note saying that he had no regrets, only happy moments. It
has become a mantra that my siblings and I try to live by. However, I wish that before I hung up the
phone with him on April 21 last year, that I had called him Ah-be one more
time.
I have faith that he knows that. I love you Ah-be. I will
see you one day and this time I will bring a gift to you. Maybe a Chet Snow
Realty lollipop. Those were pretty special.
